I REFUSED HEAVEN

One of the hardest things for me in my faith here and now, is actually receiving God's gift of peace.
 
Jesus stands and holds it out to me. I see it as clear as day. I see it clearer than day. It is more true to me than the winds of hell around it.
 
Peter saw Christ on the water and walked to him. As he neared him, his doubt increased. When he was in arm's reach of him, his doubt overcame him, literally 'sank' him. (Matt 14:22-33)
 
Proximity to Christ can be darker, not clearer. Winds of truth howl as we near him, and some of these winds - most of these winds - are the ones that blew through us in the beginning of time; the ones that blew us to reject God's word, his paradise, and walk out the door of Eden into death itself. (Gen 3:5-6) We knew the truth, and walked against it, eyes wide open.
 
Why do you think when you 'near' Christ, or see him face to face, that you will receive him?