When I was 16 I gave in and bent the knee to Jesus Christ. It was not pretty. He weighed on my heart and convicted me of what I knew to be true – his own self. Everything was about to change – friends, activities, interests, thoughts and words. I stood still. Now on solid ground, but shaky on my feet. (1 Cor 3:11)
What I recall from these early days of following Jesus, was being on my own a lot. The first thing Jesus did was grip my heart and mind, and start to ‘prune’ my life. (John 15:2) I lost a lot of friends almost over night. I just could not go to the same parties, clubs, and even group ‘huddles’ in school anymore. There was so much immorality laced through my relationships and activities, that I found myself having to bow out of a lot of ‘circles’ and activities. For a season, I was completely alone. But I was not alone. Jesus was with me in spirit and truth. He was so close to me. My most alone moments in world terms, were my closest moments with Christ.
The other night, more than 25 years later, I realized something: I love being alone. I am so present with the Spirit of God when I am alone. I love not being able to sleep at night, because I lie in the presence of Christ there, just whispering to him, and seeing quiet glimpses of the joy set before me…
I have never been truly lonely, since dying to the world. (Gal 2:20) Ironically, when very close to the world, and to many people of the world, I was often lonely. Are you?
Jesus said, ‘I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.’ (Revelation 3:20)